Why am I still reminded of you?

* I'll admit I was actually nervous about posting this, but this Blog was made with the aim of purging this crap so here goes. *

Dude, why is everything reminding me of you today?

It was so long ago, another life time almost. We were different people then, that fact is undeniable, but today it all just seems to come flooding back and I don't even know why. Maybe it was our anniversary, who knows?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"BUSTED!" - I can't even remember what we were talking about, or if we were even talking at all.

Hour long phone calls over the summer - I should've known something was up.

Lindt bunny ribbons - I remember how the bell jangled as you fought to rip it off.

"Black is slimming" - you taught me that, amazingly so.

Lending me your jacket - 'cause that's what boyfriends do.

Vietnam - you called me. Sometimes you were the most amazing guy ever.

Music - there really isn't much to say, everyone thinks they know why we loved it, but they don't.

The Rain - it never seemed quite so cold when you were there.

Maths - I'm sure you did it in every class but I just remember it more vividly in maths, holding my hand under the table. I learnt to do everything one handed that year.

Camp - I got a new best friend that day, thanks to you, and she may well help launch my career.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Even after all the kerfuffle of a relationship:

Tickling my feet on a bus ride home - because you knew how ticklish I am.

Our DnMs at 2am - for some reason that seemed to be the time of honesty.

Art - I couldn't stand to be around you.

RAVE - We shouldn't have been acting like that, she was my best friend.

Drama - so many times I wanted to kiss you and kill you at the same time.

"Which one was year 8 camp?" - that hurt, more than I liked to admit 3 years on, but I shouldn't have expected anything more.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Even after all these years when I don't even talk to you anymore, do my best not to see you at all actually, you still creep in, so I guess I was right to say I'd never ever be able to forget about you, first love and all that jazz. You'll always be with me, and as much as our relationship degraded into less than nothing, I don't regret it in the slightest. We were perfect, and I'll always remember that even if the thought is long gone from your mind.

You taught me to be realistic, and not to expect miracles from one who wasn't a saint.

You got rid of those little school girl fantasies of fireworks and sunsets (though I'm pretty sure we did witness a pretty awesome sunset that time we got busted for the "daylight rule"). You did fulfill a few of them too though, kissing in the rain and the "morning beautiful" text messages (you were better than any alarm clock) and I thank you for those too.

I still watch you sometimes (as creepy as that may be) but I miss you and there's a part of me that still worries about you and cares about you despite everything. Maybe it's because I know you. I know you can be an idiot, in spite of how intelligent you actually are. I know you'll get involved in bad stuff and it'll all come to a horrific, blaze-of-glory end which will land you in a jail cell or an early grave, neither of which I want from you because you deserve better.

I am thankful that I was one of the few that really got to see past the tough-guy, bad boy exterior to see the amazing guy you can be. When you want to. Or when someone gives you reason to. I was that reason then. She's that reason now, except she's doing it wrong. However, that's a topic far too bitchy for such a public space as the Internet.

I worry because I care, and I care because I loved you, once upon a time, and there's a little part of me that still does, and always will no matter what.

Glee was right.
"You forgive your first love of anything." - Rachel Berry, Glee.