Addio Nonno

So, my grandfather passed away today. It was a weird day. It was a long day. Mum woke me up at 6 to tell me and it's not like you can go back to sleep after that. But I couldn't go and see Nonna or anything either. So I just lay there for an hour, not really asleep and not really awake until I got up and did go to Nonna's. Where pretty much all of my cousins were, my aunties, my uncles, mum and dad, my immediate extended family basically.

Then I went to work. And took one of my younger cousins with me. Because what was he supposed to do at Nonna's all day? Sit there and watch her cry as every new person arrived? So he came with me and we sat at work and I read while he watched movies (except for when there were customers/things to do). It was a weird day.

I'm almost glad though, that he's gone. Because he was suffering and Nonna was suffering and all of us hated seeing him like that, reduced to invalidity. And I'm glad it's happened now while I'm here and not overseas because even though I'd hate myself if I didn't, spending $2,500 to get to a funeral is more than I can probably afford.

I didn't really tell anyone about it, because what are you supposed to do? Send out a mass text that says:
"Hey everyone, just letting you know my grandfather passed away so I'll be MIA for a few days. Much love, Zoe"?

I heard from a few people though, my Aunt posted something on Facebook so I got a few texts. I don't mind that I didn't hear from everyone because I don't really know what to say. Thanks?
I feel like getting all that sympathy is undeserved because I don't feel really all that sad. My Nonno had dementia for a long time so he died for me a long time ago and now I feel like we're just mourning a shell. I get that that 'shell' represents his soul, his life, all of the memories we had of him but he hasn't been Nonno for a very long time. He hasn't been the man that took me for a walk up to the Milkbar while my bratty cousin had his nap, or let us made pizza bases out of his bread dough for us to run upstairs with them to put toppings on with Nonna, and then run back downstairs to cook them in the wood fire oven. Or come back with Nonno's chicken (KFC) or Nonno's cheese (Kraft singles) or Nonno's bread (actually made by him).

Maybe it just hasn't hit me yet, I'll cry at the funeral though, if nothing else, seeing people I love and care about crying never fails to make me do so too.

Reply

So I just found 3 new posts from Zo, which gets me excited because I am the lazy one who writes 1 post for every 10 of hers and the page had been quiet for a while now. Not that anyone really cares. But I enjoy seeing into the depths of Zo's mind, and I know for a fact that some of our friends do too (hi Patto).
So in relation to her last post, I cooked pearl couscous monday night and put it in with a can of vegetable soup and it was delicious. I did also go through the outwardbound-couscous despise phase and I am happy to say it can and will end.

I am also glad to see she is reading the book I gave her around 2 years ago.

Zo failed to mention that she now speaks 3 languages, and well on her way to becoming a professional  translator so if thats not interesting I don't know what is. Everyone knows some shit.

Talking of teaching Zo biology I had the funniest conversation about birds with her, in which she pretty much asked how birds breathed while flying because if they opened their mouth they would be pushed backwards. I don't know whether to be proud of her knowledge in aerodynamics or concerned.

Anyhoo, so a few fun things that have been happening in the past few months.

Orphan Black is an addictive TV show.

There is such thing as large couscous and it is delicious in stews/soups.

House sparrows are mental energetic critters out to destroy my life.

Agricola and Dominion are the flavour of the month(s).

When you spend your time between 4 houses you car gets very messy and full of energy drink cans.

You always find a little time for friends!

It's been getting warmer and I have been getting happier.

Marvellous Creations Ice-creams are yumyum (Get on it Zo!)

I am currently procrastinating, and should be doing a Literature Review on the evolution of bird beaks as a thermoregulatory organ.

I play netball in a women's netball team (being that I am a woman and all) but my point is that I play with women that are older than me as well as women my own age.

I play with women in their 30s and 40s who have kids, are married/not married/de facto/divorced etc. Some of them even have kids that are my age, one has almost literally a brand new baby and the others have everything in between.

It's awesome not only because hey, physical activity + clumsiness = (usually) hilarity and hanging out with friends is always good times.

It's awesome because these women know things that I don't, they know things (and this is the real kicker) that mum doesn't know (I know, right? Mum doesn't actually know everything).

And while they do take great pleasure in scarring me for life when it comes to the topic of children I love seeing them and talking to them and learning new things. They're different to me, they come for different walks of life, different cultures, different classes different everything and it's fascinating to me.
'How do you cook quinoa?' one asked.
I didn't even know what quinoa was, let alone how to cook it!
But someone knew, and someone explained and now I do know how to cook quinoa (not that I ever will because it's basically couscous and Outward Bound was enough couscous to last me literally forever)/

That's like, my favourite thing in the world: learning new things. Just, tell me stuff, teach me a thing, I want to know it. I wish I could understand more of what you're saying but I'm sorry, you're the one with Bachelor of Science not me (Hannah). I wish I had the time to learn about everything I wanted.

And yet I read the same genre over and over and I watch the same genre of TV shows and I keep studying subjects in the same school.

Froyo dates and the troubles of friending

So my friend just invited me out for froyo after netball tonight, which is a thing we do quite regularly post-game. 

I'm just feeling kind of weird, sort of guilty, because I didn't even think to ask her. We've been a bit weird lately...not as close as before. I don't know if I've given up putting in any effort or if I'm just a bit out of practice. 

Still, no one wants to be the person asking all the time. 

***

And just now, having come home much too late from said froyo date she text me saying how glad she is we hung out. I feel bad that she was the one that text me. I mean, I thought about it in the car on the way home but in this case it's not really the thought that counts if she doesn't know it was thought. 

I don't know if maybe I'm seeing this as retribution or payback or something for us not speaking, I don't know if it was her fault, or if I even think it was. I've been pretty mad at her about this for a while though so maybe I'm not sending texts first because it's "her turn". 

I wish relationships didn't have all this drama and I'd honestly never thought it would've happened between us. 

Booktober

It's Booktober as of today (Thanks Carrie!) so in an effort to do more reading, which I still say I love yet never seem to get through my 'To-Read' book pile, I will be reading the following books this October:

The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks
The Auschwitz Violin by Maria Àngels Anglada
The Paris Wife by Paula McLain
The Magician's Apprentice by Trudi Canavan

These books have been sitting in my 'To-Read' pile for a ridiculously long time so it's high time they get read.

So, if you need me, I'll be reading!