I wonder sometimes, especially with all the time I spend on the Internet, if perhaps I have a slight case of social anxiety. I've always been pretty shy, though extremely talkative once I get to know you.
Catching a plane by myself this week (not for the first time and not to anywhere I haven't been before) caused me a bit of worry, over what exactly I couldn't tell you. It's not the flying part, I have no problem with flying and in fact I love turbulence (it's like a free roller coaster!). I just grew anxious as the car skirted the city towards Tullamarine. Not enough to stop me though. I got out of the car, said goodbye to mum and dad and didn't look back. So perhaps calling it social anxiety is too strong, after all it's in no way crippling.
Still, faced with the plan to go visit my cousin via public transport and all the necessary, though basic, knowledge that requires I'm again a bit anxious. I know how to catch a bus and a train but travelling in a different city where I have no sense of direction makes me a bit nervous. What if I get lost? What if I end up going in the complete opposite direction? What if I can't find where I'm meant to be going? Silly things really, remedied easily enough with Google Maps and asking for directions, but still enough to cause me worry.
I'm a bit of a control freak too and I think part of it is that it's the unknown. I don't know how people I come into contact with will react, what the situation will be, how I'll deal with my plans going awry.
Most of the time I'm pretty good at grinning and bearing it, so to speak. I know it's something that has to be done so I do it. I apply this method to other things too, ringing up for appointments, speaking to people in stores, talking to people at uni. I've got significantly better since starting a job that involved approaching and calling people. Approaching people still takes a bit of effort for me and sometimes I do still put it off.
I'm a bit socially awkward too I suppose, even with people I know (though not the ones I know well), either I ramble aimlessly or sit there in what I perceive as awkward silence. I hate the awkward period before you really get to know someone, where you just sprout niceties and ask the same inane, if perhaps necessary, questions.
The rational side of my brain knows, whatever it is, I'll get through and come out the other side one way or another but the (perhaps) irrational side of me still worries. Maybe it's just doubt. And maybe there's a little bit of that in all of us.
