Same same but different.

I have a friend, we're not super close, once upon a time she was one of my best friends and while I'd still call her that now it's not really true. 

Something we have in common though is alarmingly similar tastes when it comes to books/TV shows - in fact I once recommended a book to her that I thought she'd like only to discover she was already reading it.

However, our similarity in taste by no means extends to men. She likes the ones I can't stand and I love the ones she thinks are rude or assholey. 

It just makes me laugh that we watch the same TV shows, read the same books, yet fall in love with completely different characters and get far too invested into the fictional lives of completely different couples.

I just think it's interesting how different people are no matter how alike they seem. 

Decisions decisions decisions

Since when am I that person?

Why am I "advice girl"? Maybe I'm being presumptuous, maybe everyone asks all their friends for advice and I just have a lot of friends therefore I have a lot of advice asked of me. 

However I have little to no experience in the way of the boy so...probably not the best option for boy related advice. 

That's not to say I don't like/appreciate being asked advice. It gives me the warm and fuzzies because it means this person trusts me and values my opinion enough to talk to me about something that's important to them.

In all honesty though, I think you already know what you're going to do when you ask for advice, you're just after validation and if you don't get the response you want you keep asking people until you do.

Ultimately, no one makes your decisions but you. Sure, others may contribute but only so much as you allow their opinions to influence you.

People often ask my opinion and while I do give it I either preface or end it with "but it's your choice." It is. I make my decisions by myself, sure I ask my friends for their advice and they give it but deep down you always know what you're going to do, or at least what you should do. 

Besides, there are no wrong choices in life just mistakes to be fixed.

#noregrets.

Someday

Someday everyone will be tolerated.
Someday we wont prejudice.
Someday we will all be able to travel without fear of our safety.
Someday we will all look in the mirror and be proud of what we are.
Someday we will be able to celebrate our differences without pretending they don't exist out of fear that we are offending one another.
Someday we will look back on this moment and be ashamed.
Someday this won't be and issue.
I wish I didn't have to say someday.

I hate people.

I hate how they're inconsiderate. 

I hate how they're intolerant. 

I hate how they're stingy. 

I hate how they're thoughtless. 

I hate how they're rude. 

I hate how they're stupid. 

I hate how they're immature. 

I could list all the things I love about people too but I'm so not in the mood. 

You find many things when you are not looking for them.

Just On a Side Note

Dear World,

I'm generally one of the "never say never" people (not just coz I do actually like Justin Beiber)  but I'm 99% positive in this case that I am never going to hook up with my best friend.

Just putting it out there because a whole lot of you seem to think it's apparently natural progression.

I mean yes, he's wonderful, I do love him (otherwise I wouldn't have been his best friend all these years) but our mutual-liking boat has sailed. We are just friends.

Honestly, I'm more likely to hook up with his ex-girlfriend than I am him. Which isn't really saying much (we get lesbiany when we're drunk) because I adore her, she's amazing.

On top of that, I actually like his best friend so...it'd be a bit detrimental in that regard I think. 

So, you know, if you could stop mentioning the whole idea it'd be much appreciated. 

Kindly,

Zoe

The Right Way Up

My life has recently had a little bit of a shake up, to say the least. Things have changed that had needed to be changed for a while. I still don't know if I have made the right choices, but then again, there is no such thing as right or wrong in nature; it is just a human concept. But I feel as if I have landed on my feet. I am happy. At times I feel guilty that I feel that way, but as she said, you cant help the way you feel.

Happy = happy.

Well I'm sure getting my blog on tonight!

I'm happy you're happy. 

However you're happy, wherever you're happy (hopefully not too far away from me though!), whenever you're happy.

So long as nothing you're doing is injurious to your health, I am happy you are happy.

If thinking cows are purple makes you happy then cows are frigging purple and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

If you want to eat cheese on your ice cream I'll get the grater.

I'll think you're mad but I already knew that, and I love you anyway. 

(The above scenarios are completely hypothetical and are not intended refer to anyone in anyway.)

C'est. La. Vie.

Dear world,

If he/she doesn't like you, then he/she doesn't like you. 

They're not doing it on purpose, they're not doing it to hurt you, they just don't have feelings like that for you.

It's not their fault. They can't help how they feel anymore than you can.

Have you ever wanted to like someone so much because you feel like it would make it all better?

Or worse, have you ever liked someone and tried desperately not to? 

You can't help it.

Neither can they. 

Que sera, sera.

Move on, get over it, don't blame them for something they can't change. 

Yes, it hurts, rejection is always going to hurt, but you can't blame them anymore than you can blame yourself. 

It is not their fault. 

I promise, I'll know.

You give good hugs.

You make me laugh.

I know you're intelligent and I know you're a nice guy.

I love the clothes you wear though perhaps not the excess of skinny jeans but I guess they suit you (or I'm used to it).

I've wanted to kiss you since a 21st over a year ago. 

I've liked you since a night of Xbox that got me sick but it was worth it.

One of these days I really hope I can muster up the courage to just see what it's like. 

Admittedly, I'm half-scared it'll end horrifically and bye-bye to anything more and I think maybe that's holding me back but if I never try I'll never know. 

One day, I'll know.

News Flash

I feel as though this blog has become a news bulletin for our friends to read. I have so many things to say, but I feel that if I do write them here they will just be judged, or be misunderstood, or hurt people. Sometimes it's best to just say nothing.

Grown Up - Pt 2

Sometimes I don't say things but I'm starting to I think I should.
Sometimes I should say that what you did pisses me off instead of bitching about it to my friends. Sometimes I just don't think it's worth it. Why bother fighting over something like that, it's not worth the time or effort. I grew out of the whole confrontational thing when I was, you know, fourteen and I'm a grown up now.
But bottled up resentment isn't any better, I hear you say. And perhaps not but I'm not resentful, not really. Not the "bottled up" kind anyway. I bitch, I blog, I move on.

By move on I don't just mean from the issue I mean from those people who have pissed me off. Obviously we are now incongruous where we weren't before. It sucks, it really does, it's a pity, it's also life. In all honesty, why would you want to have a relationship with someone that doesn't make you happy?

Which brings me to my next point:
Fact: my best friend and I are unusually close, even by girl best friend standards. I get it, you perhaps do not have a relationship with someone that's like ours.
Fact: I do tell her pretty much everything about my life and vice versa.
Fact: She is ever anything less than supportive of whatever decision I, myself, choose to make regarding my happiness or needs - including any relationships I enter or exit.
Fiction: She somehow influenced me into breaking up with the boyfriend because she a) didn't like him (and have you met him? You can't NOT like that kid) b) didn't like her previously eternally single best friend having a boyfriend while she didn't (if so, that would be her issue that had nothing to do with me and would've caused issues between her and I not with the boyfriend) or c) is just a raging bitch (see above - why be friends with someone who doesn't make you happy?).

The ill-fated aforementioned drunk divulgence of the belief that I broke up with the boyfriend "because she told me so" was not followed with anything along the lines of "but I think that's bullshit" therefore, it implies to me that said divulger at least sees it as having some vestige of truth. It cannot be excused by "he was drunk, it was boy's night." Sorry, doesn't cut it babe - drunk words are sober thoughts and all. Nor can you blame the one who told me. Yes "what happens at boys night stays at boys night" but each of them knew I was there when they said it (cyberly) and it's not the person I'm mad at, it's the concept. It's the excuses you two gave that I'm mad it, it's you two not sympathising and backing me up. Perhaps that's childish, that I'm annoyed you don't agree with me.

From my other friends I can almost accept it. They perhaps don't know me as well as you two should, they don't know either of us as well as you two should. From you two, I'm...I just...can't believe you think that about me. I cannot fathom how you can think that I would ever do anything because someone else told me to, however indirectly. Also, I'm a little peeved on her behalf, do you really think she's that vindictive? That she'd sabotage my happiness in favour of hers? That's not what best friends do, they are supportive of you no matter what decision you make, they may express their disagreement but they respect your right to make your own choice. At least that's how we do it. No, she's not perfect, most definitely far from it, but hi sweetie, look in the mirror. Not only are she and I both annoyed that you think that because, it's quite hurtful to be honest but it's also so far from the truth it's practically living on the Moon. All you had to do was ask instead of assume. I was right there. Neither of you had ever asked me why I broke up with him (one of you didn't even respond to the text in which I told you about it). Then perhaps you'd know it was because I was not happy. That I perhaps broke up with him and hurt him, despite my efforts not to, because I made a selfish, individual decision to stop doing something that wasn't making me happy.
Me. Myself. I. Zoe.

Grown Up

I don't vent publicly via Facebook, I vent on here but sometimes I really wish I did because this doesn't get the same traffic that Facebook does and this has seriously pissed me off.

So apparently I'm a 5 year old that does things just because my best friend tells me too.

We're close guys but we're still our own separate person, we make our own separate decisions. Just because I tell her everything doesn't mean she makes my decisions for me.
I'm a grown up, I do things because I want to.

So, you know, that's upsetting - an undisclosed number of my friends think that I broke up with the boyfriend because my best friend told me to. That's a quite upsetting really and I am I think perfectly right in being a bit pissed off but whatever, they're entitled to their opinion and if they'd rather jump to ridiculous conclusions than say, you know asking me about it then that's their own fucking problem. I will bitch to my best friend because she is my best friend and that's what I do.

I don't think it's fair that one of you then decides to send me a text yelling at me about how she yelled at you. Why is it my fault? She's a grown up too, she makes her own fucking decisions also. Did I tell her what happened? Yes. I was upset and pissed off, why does it surprise you I told my best friend about it? That's what she's there for. Whatever she did with that information is up to her. If she decided to text you and yell at you about it then you should yell back at her. Not at me. Despite the fact that you said something hurtful about me I put it aside and moved on with my life because I'm you know A GROWN UP.

You know what the most hurtful thing is? That you've insulted my independence and my intelligence - essentially everything I pride myself on. That you think I am not my own person. That you think I am not independent enough to make my own decisions. That you think I am so immature and childish that I cannot think for myself and make my own decisions.

Yep, thanks guys.

I don't know who it is that said this but someone did and I'm not really mad at them I'm just upset that anyone would think that about me.

Artistic License and Creative Genius

I think creative people are amazing. 

I think they see the world in a completely different way. Whether it be artists, musicians, writers etc.
They see the world in a completely different way to "normal" people and they can describe it  in a way "normal" people can only dream of and wonder "why didn't I think of that first"?
They see sunsets or significant moments or something so serenely beautiful or so devastatingly sad and manage to capture it in such a specific yet ambivalent way so that every person who experiences that piece of art can take something different from it. 

They're a little bit eccentric too I think, you have to be when you see the world like that. With their doodles, scribbles and jottings, never knowing when inspiration will strike. That's my favourite part, asking about the moment they were inspired to create that, whether it be a glance out the window, an aggregation of beats only they can hear or a walk in the park. It's those stories that I love to hear. I want to know why. Why did inspiration strike in that moment, why did their (sub)consciousness choose that to stimulate them? I love inspiration. 

I don't mean this as a slight to said "normal" people, for the most part I am one. I couldn't draw to save my life and my musical prowess is only evident in my dreams, I do however, on occasion think I'm not too shabby of a writer. So while I am in absolute awe of the creative brilliance of artists and musos, on the other hand I am eternally grateful that sometimes I experience that strange and inexplicable moment of inspiration where your muse kicks into gear and all you want to do is record it but often your hands can't keep up with your muse so you just try and get as much as you can down either on paper or imprinted into your mind and hope she sticks around to finish.