I'm busy too goddamn it

Venting is all good and well, I am all in favour of venting and I get that sometimes you just want to vent to someone about stuff, and that's fine. 

But when I am legitimately stress inducingly busy is it bad if I politely tell someone to fuck off and moan to someone else because I have my own shit to deal with? 

Assignment Stress

Usually, I'd like to think I'm not too bad with the whole doing assignments thing.

Until of course I actually have one and I'm up late the night before, yet again, frantically scrambling to produce something worthy of the measly credit my Masters application requires. 

I've never in my life handed anything in late, with or without a granted extension, so I suppose there's points for me on that one. 

I mean, I love learning and reading things and importing knowledge into my brain but sometimes the stress of finding research material drives me insane. 

As proven by the fact that I have an Italian presentation Monday morning (less than a day away) and I am woefully short on the 5-8 minutes required due to Teen Wolf based procrastinating (in my defense, that entire cast is like sinfully attractive) and the irrational pep talk I've been giving myself that I "work better under pressure." No! No you do not! You have quasi panic attacks in the car on the way home or attempt to pull your hair out at night. This is not how you assignment! 

Perhaps I do work better under pressure though, because if I don't want to do an assignment or if I'm struggling only the impending deadline gets my ass into gear. Along with previously mentioned freak outs, of course.

It probably doesn't help that my start to semester has been the worst ever with computer troubles, consistently annoying traffic, and horrendously bad time management. It just bugs me because I've been doing this for 3 years why am I on struggle street in my last semester when I should be pro by now? How does everyone else handle it so well and I can't? Eugh life, man. 

Religion and History

I'm not religious, at all, but I am fascinated by Christianity, Catholicism, Judaism, Islam and how they all interact together and create so many issues when they all came from the same root and all promulgate the same basic things. 

I would love to go to Acre, Jerusalem, Damascus, Mecca and see the so called holy land that was fought over so fiercely for so long by people who'd never set foot there.

I'd love to go on the Camino di Santiago (the pilgrimage in Spain) because I can imagine how you'd be able to feel the history. 

I have no interest in the religious aspects but I'm fascinated by the psychology of religion its rich and tumultuous history. 

Polyglot Problems #2

The big, main, important reason why I've decided to put the dream of law on the back burner and taking up interpreting and translating instead is because I've already studied 2 languages and have reached relative fluency (considering the little to no time I've spent in country) but I'm already looking for the next one to learn.

Swedish, Polish, Russian, Hebrew, Arabic, German, Spanish are all languages I have considered studying in the past 12 months. Every time I see or hear a language I don't understand which is quite often I want to be able to understand it.

Languages are for me. That's what I want to do with my life.

I very much doubt that I'll stop at French and Italian so stay tuned for the next multilingual step I take!

The Worst Thing That Ever Happened to Me

When I try and think of the worst thing that's ever happened to me, I can't.
There's nothing bad that's ever happened to me in life. Not just in comparison to other people, just in general.

Maybe not getting into the Uni degree I wanted straight out? But I was never going to obtain a 97 ATAR anyway and I've since decided 'hey, maybe not for me.'
Maybe my grandma dying? But I never knew her that well to be honest and dying is a part of life, it sucks but it happens.
Maybe the one time dad forgot to pick me up from school? But mum came and got me anyway.
Maybe that my car died so I had to get a new one and couldn't go to Italy like I'd planned? But I'll get there eventually.
Maybe that time I got really drunk and kissed someone I shouldn't have? But really, that was my own fault and I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't wanted to at the time.

I am insanely, ridiculously fortunate that I cannot think of anything (not really anyway) that is the worst thing to ever happen to me.
I don't mean for this to come across as rubbing in the face of people who have had "worst things" happen to them, this was just a thought in my head and these thoughts don't leave until I write them down.

Polyglot Problems

I speak Italian like I'm French, I spell Italian like I'm French. I think a native French speaker would speak and spell better in Italian than I do. 

I know, I learnt all about this, that despite the similarities between an L1 and an L3, the L2 acts as a filter to block the L1. It's still really annoying though.

My French spelling is so good, why do I have so much trouble in Italian when Italian is actually more similar to English and actually spelt the way it sounds? 

Friends

I feel like I'm a relatively good friend. 

I'm not perfect - I'm not always conscientious or nice, I do have a temper at times and I won't take anyone's shit. 

I know that I bitch about people (yes behind their backs) because some things do need to be said in order to keep friendships just not always to the person to whom they refer.

I have my own opinions and sometimes they'll differ from yours but that doesn't make yours (or mine) any less valid. I appreciate hearing your opinion though because it can help me see things from a different perspective (and hopefully vice versa) however, that doesn't necessarily mean I'll change my mind. 

Some people, some friends, sometimes I do not want to see. Perhaps that means we're not friends, I just think it means we're not best friends or even good friends but it doesn't mean we're not friends at all. Someone that I never want to see, that would be a non-friend. Some of my friends annoy me, that doesn't mean we're not friends. 

Life isn't made up of perfect relationships, sure maybe it can be but that severely limits your social circle.

You need different friends because you have different interests to share with them and therefore different experiences to share with them which means you then talk about different things with them.

I have one friend, she's not even what I'd consider a best friend, but I've told her a personal secret that I haven't anyone else. And I often talk to her about this secret because she's the only one that I've told. That doesn't mean my "best" friendships aren't still there or real or that she is one of my closest friends because she knows this secret about me. She's just a certain kind of friend that I have certain things in common with, with whom I've shared certain experiences which means I can share this particular secret with her whereas I do not feel comfortable sharing it with others. 

You need different friends so that you can discuss different things with them. Different people bring different perspectives to a situation. 

You need new friends and old friends, med friends and eng friends science friends and psych friends and sport friends and mature friends and young friends and boy friends and girl friends. 

All these different friends make up and compliment different parts of you. 

You're multifaceted, your personality, your life, your interests, so too your friends. 

Best Friend Test

If you can find your way around someone's house/bathroom in the dark you're best friends. 

Head canon accepted 

#tumblrreference

This is why frencest never ends well

I have this friend and he's the type of friend where he's...he tries too hard with girls, with us, his friends. And doesn't seem to know when to leave well enough alone. 

Okay, yes we hooked up and spent hours making out while drunk one night but to be perfectly honest, that was it. We were drunk, I was longingly day dreaming about my ex-boyfriend who was morally unattainable to me so instead I kissed you. But that's it. 

It's not the first time I've made out with a friend so I know how it goes. First comes the awkwardness, the side looks and mortification, then comes the avoidance and uncomfortable hugs at gatherings, then months later, the talk where we discuss what happened and laugh and joke because "oh my god what were we thinking?"

I'll tell you what doesn't happen, after being in the avoidance stage for months, you do not try and hold my hand on the beach, twice, even after I pointedly let go the first time. You also do not then ask my best friend if I like you because what signs have there been in the past 4 months that I was into you? Since we woke up the morning after, when on earth did I indicate to you "hey let's do this again sometime"? Was it in the way I didn't speak to you? Or how I avoided being alone with you? Was it in the way I was practically joined at the hip with my best friend and her boyfriend until we all went home? Was it in the way we haven't had a conversation in months? 

You are my friend and you have been for a long time but if you do not stop touching me, period, I am going to flip my shit one day. 

Borrowed Time

My grandmother died in October. She was sick, she’s been in a nursing home pretty much as long as I can remember because she had Alzheimer's. The phone rang at 3 O’Clock in the morning and what else could it be? Why else would anyone ring so late?

I wasn’t really sure what to do with this information. Do I cry? I never really knew her. But she was still my grandmother, my blood, my mum’s mum, my Pop’s wife. 

I sort of went through the motions a bit, contacting my teachers at Uni as I had to miss the last week of semester to go to Sydney for the funeral. They were all really lovely and kind, happy to allow me to reschedule things but I didn't feel quite right because I never knew her and she’s never been more than an old lady in a nursing home to me. 

I did cry at the funeral. I cried because my mum was crying and because they were saying all these things about Nana’s life that I never knew which makes me sad because she’s my Nana and I should have known her. 

Poppy asks me about my life and tell me things about his life and talks to me. I cried because we all know he was just waiting for her to go first. Maybe it’s a stupid, obvious thing to say but I’m not quite ready for him to go yet but I feel like we’re on borrowed time now. I spent an extra few days with him last time we went up to Sydney but I worry that it’s not enough. I’m afraid that this time will have been the last. 

We’re all just living on borrowed time. 

Passive-Aggressive Friendships

Beware, this may come across as mildly bitchy.

So, I have this friend. She’s lovely, she’s insanely nice and she works ridiculously hard at uni, as a swim coach, at work experience and I’m in awe of how she manages to juggle all these things and the 3 hours of driving to uni and back every day. 

I am so proud of her because she is unashamedly and justifiably annoyed at a friend who hasn’t been acting too friend-y lately. Passive-aggressively annoyed but annoyed all the same. I love it because it’s always a bit surprising (and amusing) when someone so nice gets so pissed off. 

I’m not insanely nice. I’m normal nice but I’m also reasonably selfish and if I’m annoyed at someone, I won’t try and hide it. It’s not unusual for me to be annoyed at one of my friends, not end-of-our-friendship annoyed just, ugh not-in-the-mood annoyed. I’m annoyed so often that it takes a lot to really piss me off, which I think is a good thing. I’m so used to being annoyed, and getting over it, that even when I get really pissed off, I just expect it to blow over and, eventually, it does.

This friend of mine however, I didn’t even know she had it in her to be annoyed at a fellow human being! On the one hand I’m highly amused and very proud of her but, on the other hand, I’m aware that to annoy someone this nice and even-tempered is a lot of effort (or lack of effort as the case may be) and it’s a bit disappointing because why would you want to lose a friend like that?

Spelling Mistakes

The spelling mistakes I make when I'm not paying attention equal parts horrify and amuse me. 

I just wrote "sided" instead of "sighed" and they are not even remotely related in any way shape or form! 

Not to mention the confusion of there, their and they're, not enough O's on a to or whether instead of weather. 

My crazy literary side is completely astounded that I could even conceive of making such a mistake while the more normal side of me just goes "what on earth were you thinking, moron?" 

My brainless spelling mistakes happen relatively often but at least they give me a good laugh on my proofread. 

"Single" doesn't mean "forever alone"

I have been thinking a lot about the last post written. What is the point of being in a relationship just for the sake of it? I mean what is the point being with someone who you know will only be short term? It is  exactly what happens in high school. People date for the sake of dating. Having a boyfriend is not the be all and end all of the world. In fact good on Zo for sticking to her standards. Even if her dream man is a nice french/italian/sex-god who respects her slightly feminist nature and her love for english male pop groups, she is happy being who she is until the right french/italian/sex-god comes along, rather than dying her hair a bleach blond, wearing less material than she did when she was 5, getting tipsy off cruisers and hitting the town every friday night, hooking up with a guy who thinks he is much more attractive than he really is, sleeping with him, then deluding herself that there were "sparks of love" between them and that they will be together forever! 

It is funny how these days being a young adult and having your virginity seems to make people more embarrassed, where as back a hundred years just kissing a man would make a woman the talk of the town. I know that loosing your virginity isn't a big deal, but that doesn't mean you need to get rid of it like it's the taxman in a game of billionaire.

I am saying this as someone who is in a relationship, so maybe I don't understand what it feels like to be "alone," but I do know what it feels like to stay with someone just because, and it is nothing compared to how I feel now. If someone is comfortable being single, let them be. It is not abnormal, it is better than being with someone for no reason other than a meaningless trend, and risk loosing a valuable friend when is eventually sizzles out and dies. Not that love is a "trend" or anything, but a relationship with no meaning is like a pair of crocs: in the end you realise that they are a little lame and no matter how many of those little attachments you put in the holes, they will not become any more appealing.

If you are in love and happy with someone you don't need to rub it other peoples faces to make them jealous either. It's like winning the lottery and driving to a fancy restaurant and making your friend pay for the petrol. It's just rude. 

Reason #289 Why I Need New Friends

I have this...well I wouldn't exactly call her a friend at this point but we've known each other so long I don't know what else to call her so let's go with friend. 

For some reason she attempts to make me feel like crap (perhaps unintentionally) because I don't have a boyfriend each and every time I see her (slight exaggeration perhaps). It doesn't always get to me, not in the traditional drown-my-tears-in-icecream sort of way anyway, more in the "why did you even say that? Are you just being horrible?" sort of way. 

Yes, I am boyfriend-less but I have had one before, two actually, but you continue to discredit every boyfriend I've had. The first one we were too young, the second one it was too short. 

Just because I know what I want (and what I don't want) and I'm not going to settle for anything less (not that I think you are settling) doesn't mean there's something wrong with me or that I'm unhappy because I'm single. I know it's a pretty foreign concept to you but I am perfectly happy on my own. 

Sure, I wouldn't say no to a guy I liked (I am incredibly fond of the male gender) but I need to really like him, he needs to be at the top of my priority list and boyfriend 2.0 simply wasn't so until I find said high priority guy being by myself is good. Like for real, legit, perfectly cool all by my onesie. 

Today is just not a good day.