I distinctly remember mentioning that I don't particularly enjoy watching sports, live or on TV, sports I like or sports I don't but I have three exceptions: the Olympics, anything starring Ricky Rubio and my club's women's team (whether it be Dandenong or Cranbourne). Even with those few exceptions me watching a game occurs rarely but tonight I went down to Cranbourne to support the lady Cavs as A) 3 girls (1 out with injury) from my U/20s team play and they're my friends and I want to support them B) it was a final of some sort C) I'm contemplating playing Big V next year. 

What I discovered was a 40-minute basketball game can last almost 2 hours and my coach is an absolute asshole with his heckling.  I just had this moment where I realised that he's not perfect. I kind of half had this epiphany months ago but it really rang true today. Don’t get me wrong, this hasn’t ruined my world bubble, I never idolised him or anything. At first I thought he was kind of hot but I never aspired to be like him, I just respected him and respected what he had to teach me.
I also realised tonight that…I'm not entirely sure if I'm ready for the next level. It's rough, and it's mean, and I’m not there yet.
Basketball is not my life. It never has been, even when I played 5 out of 7 days a week, 2 games, 3 training sessions, it still wasn’t all I did. I have a life outside of basketball, I go to school. While 5 days a week of sport was good, great even, when I was in the early years of high school and top(ish) of my class, at Uni, surrounded by people as smart, if not smarter than me, I can't afford to spend 8 hours a week (plus drive time) playing a sport I love, not when it won’t take me where I want to go.

Should I give it a shot, knowing I won’t, can’t, give it my all or should I finally let myself have enough time to do what I need to do for Uni and be able to hang out with my friends? On the one hand, I’m only young once, I can’t come back and play at this level later, not like I can with Uni. On the other hand, I. Will. Not. Go. Anywhere. I won’t play in the WNBL, I won’t go to America the best I can hope for is Big V at Cranbourne. Is that really enough for my education to suffer?
All this mental deliberation is probably pointless considering I don’t think I’ll actually make the team anyway.