All the small things

It's the small things in life that really matter.

Like speaking in Italian automatically instead of French.
Like hearing the rain while you're in bed.
Like waking up to "good morning" texts.
Like reading a good back.
Like that post-workout exhaustion that makes you smile.
Like sleeping in on a weekday.
Like skipping class (on occasion).
Like learning something new.

Time.

"Time makes fools of us all."
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"Time is money."
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"Where did the time go?"
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"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us."
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"You may delay, but time will not."
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"The trouble is, you think you have time."
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"When was the last time you did something for the first time?"
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"Time waits for no man."
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"Time heals all wounds."
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"The bad news is time flies. The good news is, you're the pilot."
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"Time is chasing after us all."
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Originally, I intended for this to be a rant about how my time management skills are exquisite, I just have too much stuff going on in my life (Uni, work, basketball/netball, coaching, boyfriend, friends etc.) to juggle it all and I just wanted a really good quote to start me off but as I was Googling, I couldn't decide which one I wanted so it became simply a collection of time related quotes that struck me. Enjoy.

*All quotes belong to a variety of people, none of whom are me. Google will tell you who first spake them if you so desire to know.

Some things I hate...

I hate depression and suicide.

How generic, who doesn't?

The reason why I hate it is because I don't get it and so it scares me. I can't relate so how can I help? It's so far out of my realm of existence that I just can't contemplate how it could ever be that bad.

I guess that means I'm lucky, and I certainly consider myself such, but I just can't believe that these people have NO ONE who can help them out or that they can't help themselves.

If I don't have my friends or my family to help me through whatever, I have characters from books or movies, songs, a poem something that helps me get through whatever. Music mainly, I have 3 songs (so far) that always manage to get me out of my funk.

I Don't Need a Man - PCD

'I don't need a man to make me feel good
I get off doing my thing.'
I do, in fact 'have a man' now but I think my point still stands, he does not, and will not, define my life.


Wings - Little Mix

'Don't let what they say keep you up at night
And if they give you shhhh...
Then they can walk on by.'
Captain Jack Sparrow said it: sticks and stones, love.
If there is someone in your life who's giving you shit, get rid of them, I dont care who they are, they're not someone who cares about you.


Survivor - Destiny's Child 
'I'm a survivor
I'm gonna make it.'
Survival of the fittest, always remember, you were the fastest sperm (unless of course you were a testtube baby, in that case just remember how badly your parents wanted you).

So there they are, my go to when-I'm-feeling-down songs. Yes, look at that they're all girl groups, maybe I'm secretly a closet feminist, but there are lines in these songs that are like my mantras.

God, maybe I'm being insensitive, I don't know this is just how I handle things because this is how I was raised, as an independent woman with a loving family and friends who care about her who is lucky enough to not be able to comprehend how life could ever be bad enough to consider ending it.

University

The whole time I was in high school I was always slightly worried about University. So much independence, choosing your career, study. Teachers always made it out to be really demanding, so difficult. And now I am at University starting my third and final year I am loving it. No more 9-3:30 days where teachers pester you for homework and you have 6 completely different subjects. Just freedom. I don't miss school one little bit. Not even the friends. I see my friends from school quite often. And we do way more exciting things than we ever did while at school since we all have money/jobs and drive.
So what sparked me to start writing about this now? I am in the first week of 3rd year and I am loving it. My subjects are fun. Today I wrote out floral formulas of flowers and sifted through dust for micro-organisms. It was the ultimate where's wally. There is something relaxing about staring down a dissection microscope. The clarity and detail that the human eye misses. It is really beautiful. I also decided to join the Science society (mainly for the free BBQs) and met some great people this afternoon.
It was a long day. I had a gig last night and didn't get home till after 1 and had to get up before 7 for work. And I am exhausted. But I put 100% in today and have a positive outlook on the year to come. Everyday is different; some busy, some adventurous, some boring. And it beats the constricting routine of school. So time just flies and I feel like there is so much potential for my future, so much to explore, so much to learn and I look forward to it more than I did when I lived a sheltered high school life.

Better

So...that didn't happen but this is so infinitely better.

Like butterflies better.
Like no words better.
Like we actually TALK better.
Like oh my God I just want to kiss you better.
Like "I think you guys are cute together" better.
Like it's-been-so-long-since-someone's-held-my-hand better.
Like I never thought I'd find you this attractive again better.
Like I smile when I get your texts better.
Like there's-no-such-thing-as-friend-zoned better.
Just so so SO much better.

Dysfunctional to a T

If this actually ever comes to something, we are going to have the most dysfunctional non-relationship ever.

I don't smile when I get your texts, sometimes I even groan but mostly I laugh and not in a good way. You infuriate me with every second word that comes out of your mouth (or out of your fingers as we're texting). Even just talking to you drives me towards your ex-best friend because he's just not you.

We've been talking again for all of 5 days and already had a blow up. I know that this morning, we were both acting like it never happened but you did hurt me by what you said last night and I haven't decided yet if I'm over it or not. We established that rule number 1 of this thing is COMMUNICATION and I'm already not telling you things.

Part of me knows, knows, this will not work, because this stuff never works, they make movies and TV show plots about how it never works, but I want to try it anyway. I only hope that it doesn't ever result in hurting him. Another thing I haven't told you about and won't unless something happens because I'm being selfish and I'm afraid it's going to backfire in a big way but it's not stopping me anyway.

I'm writing a pro-con list only with you, I don't know what is a pro and what is a con because everything that's bad about you is what I think will be good for me right now.

I really don't know how this is going to go, there are so many obstacles and I don't know if it's worth trying to find a way past them all.

Changes

I havent written in a while. And I should because I have made two major changes to my life.
The first seems silly but i bought an iPhone. And everything is suddenly better. I have internet when im out, i can actually receive msgs and not have to worry about a bloody full inbox. I can play games, listen to music. EVERYTHING. I also love instagram. I am so in love with it that i'm sure people are sick of seeing pictures of my dog.
Change #2: I joined the gym. I've decided after doing a month trial that i need to join the gym. I have never been to motivated to exercise in my life. I love it. I feel so good walking out of there after a class or good workout.
Change#3: I know i said two changes, but i didn't make the third, but it still affects me. Dads partners son (I shall call him A, as I want to keep with tradition of not using names) and his girlfriend (R) moved into dads place last weekend. I has been so fun having them there, and i hate to do it but i will like it to having a new puppy. I like going to dads. R and A are both chefs and make amazing food. A has an obsession with anything western and weaponary. He has a bow and arrow, large knives, a whip, and has swapped the suction cups on his nurf gun bullets for pins. If he wasnt such a livey character i would be a tad anxious. R is just lovely. We stayed up late just talking the other night and convincing everyone to play cards with us. They dont just keep to themselves in their room behind the garage, they interact with everyone like a normal family. I am happy that they chose to move in.

It Was One Night!

We went out to the pub for one night! One night! And I left half an hour earlier than everyone else and it all went to hell.

One friend is pissed at the guy she likes coz the both of them hooked up with other people (she was first so honestly she doesn't really have a leg to stand on if you ask me), another friend is pissed at the guy she likes coz he hooked up with his almost-ex (as in they almost dated not they're almost broken up) after being an ass to her half the night (more justifiable), another friend hooked up with a friend's brother only she didn't know it was his brother (that's not so bad, just a bit awks and very funny).

This is why I don't pub. Alcohol plus emotions plus randoms equals baddddddd.

Ah well, what can you do? I still love my friends anyway, each and every one of them.

Drafts and Therapy

You would be amazed (or perhaps you wouldn't) how many blog posts I start or ideas I get that I never end up actually publishing. The notes folder on my phone is full of them, scraps of paper litter my desk with ideas jotted down in a hurry, not to mention the ZoHan drafts folder.

Some of them I can't get the wording right, some of them I lose interest in, some of them too much time passes between inspiration and publication, some of them are too close to the chest for me to reveal, even if it is just to Hannah.

In a way though, just the act of writing them down and thinking about the topic in question is enough. I use this blog as a type of therapy (for want of a better word) 'Essentials of the ZoHan Life' is the friend that always listens and never interrupts and just lets you vent your feelings whether they be about the stupidity of the world, the cute guy you saw at the coffee shop or One Direction's haircuts. And it's guilt free venting, I don't have to worry that I'm not listening enough or talking too much, or acting unconcerned about their problems and being selfish. Not that I often feel this way with my friends, I have amazing, beautiful friends who would always be happy to listen to me if I wanted or needed them to but some times I worry that I'm talking too much and not listening enough.

For some reason I have an inherent fear of being selfish and inconsiderate. I still am at times, I'm sure, but I try to think about things from the other person's point of view, imagine what life is like in their shoes. Of course it doesn't always work like that and sometimes I do steal the last bit of chocolate or cut in front of people but I do try to imagine how they see it and how their life has lead them to this point.

This post has digressed so totally from its starting point I can't even see the beginning anymore but, like I said, therapy. I write and words come out, sometimes it's not what I had intended at all but they're often the times I like the most.

Let's play cards!

I can't stop thinking about how my friends, instead of going out clubbing, drinking, doing drugs, hooking up and having sex with randoms, are cool with just going to someone's house and playing cards, for HOURS, completely sober.
That's not to say we don't ever go out and drink, we do, it's just evenly balanced with nights of cards.

We're quite happy to take turns hosting either spur-of-the-moment or planned-in-advance card nights and spend hours playing games we already know or learning new ones.

Maybe it's old fashioned, something grandparents do and not young people-ish but I love it.

Tolkein

It's been so long since I've read The Hobbit or The Lord of the Rings that I'd complete forgotten how different Tolkein's style of writing is.
I've been reading modern novels so long I forgot the style that used to be prevalent back when books were the main source of entertainment.
Tolkein's style is so completely different from anything I can remember reading before yet still fundamentally the same.
It does remind me of Thomas Hardy's Mayor of Casterbridge though, they have the same split-narrative style where the story teller is half just telling the story and half talking directly to you, the reader.
At first it's a big confronting, no one really writes like that anymore and I think if anyone even did now it wouldn't be taken well. But then, like anything, you get used to it, this dialogue between long-dead author and reader makes the whole experience a little more intimate, a little more real, the story a little more real. Tolkien talks to you like you know these places they travel through, like you know about the existences of Hobbits, Dwarves, Elves, Wizards and accept it as fact.

Dear, dear Harry, we've reached the end again

I have read Harry Potter so many times I've lost count, I distinctly remember getting to the end of the Order of the Phoenix, flipping over and starting again straight away. No matter how many times I read each of them, or in what order, nothing compares to the indescribable feeling I get when I finish the Deathly Hallow. Despite the perfect ending ("all was well") I am always inexplicably sad. 7 long books and a substantial chunk of my life so far, and of my childhood always, is finished again and while I come back to Harry again and again I can't help but remember the excitement I felt when I picked this book up for the first time on its release date in 2007, nor the sense of finality when I reached that last page for the first time and knew Harry Potter was over forever.

As the wonderful woman, J.K. Rowling said: "Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home" and she was right. Whether I be 10, 19, 25, 53, 67, 84 or any ages beyond or between Harry Potter will always be my default when I'm looking for amazing characters and intricate plot.
Harry Potter will never be a great work of literature, it has sporadic (mostly spoken by Albus Dumbeldore) moments of exquisite phrasing but it's the characters and the world J.K. created that keep you coming back.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, thank you J.K. Rowling, from the bottom of my heart, for sharing this world with us.

I'm a Winter

Part of me longs to live in a place where you take your jacket off when you go inside and put it back on when you go outside. While the rational part of my brain goes "Zo, the novelty would wear off REAL fast" and "You LOVE Australia, you know you're never going to leave!" the irrational side goes "EUROPEAN FASHION!! ENGLAND!! (because I know the only other place i'd live would be Europe and, most likely, somewhere the UK)" and, as we all know, the irrational side is a lot louder. Probably helps that it's waving a multitude of hot British and Irish personalities with their sexy-as-all-hell accents in front of my face (because, you know, my brain has arms).

Don't get me wrong, I am well aware that in the winter months even Australia can get that cold so maybe what I mean is that part of me longs for the lifestyle where "light layers" isn't the way to go, where thick jackets and coats are necessary to keep you warm when you're wearing nice, but thin, clothing underneath. A lifestyle that, for a short time at least during the Australian winter, I hope to one day achieve.

It also may just be a case of "grass is always greener" (though I like my grass a good heat and drought faded yellow thank you very much) and my ever present xenophilia.

I think, I have to admit that though I always say I can't decide between Summer and Winter which is my favourite season, that it's got to be Winter. Despite the sun and the outdoors of the Summer months, I love scarves and hats and beanies and coats and boots and hot chocolate (which always tastes better when it's cold) and sitting inside and watching the rain.

NEWS HEADLINE: ZOE IS AMAZING

I went to Zoe's the other night. We stayed up late watching game of thrones, eating ice cream, talking and drinking sour monkey. We ate party pies and sausage rolls for lunch. Then a couple of nights later she came over and we cooked tacos, finished game of thrones and headed off to the drive ins to see ruby sparks. She gave me shuttlecocks that light up so now we can play badminton in the dark! If that is not a thoughtful gift than what is? She doesn't get angry with me for talking through movies and she will even join in. We have similar interests. We enjoy reading, watching perhaps slightly trashy TV, and gossiping. Zoe is a fun person to spend time with and I enjoy spending time with her. Next week she has organised a girls night and I'm so psyched! One of the best things about Zoe is that she meets you halfway. I don't feel I have to put in a whole lot of effort because it just works. Zoe is a-mazing!

I just think you should check this out...

http://fozmeadows.wordpress.com/2012/06/27/why-ya-sex-scenes-matter/

Above is a link to a blog/article that I was introduced to via the wonderful 'happy-place' that is Tumblr.

Essentially (if you don't want to read the whole, admittedly long-winded, thing) it says that society, pop-culture, etc promotes a male-dominant image of sex for young teenage girls (and boys for that matter) who are just starting to explore the whole "sex thing." An image where it's "okay" if she says no and he doesn't listen. 
It says that Young Adult novels that involve sex scenes and the topic of sex in general are good because they're teaching young girls (as their target demographic) about how you should be treated, about contraception, about their own sexuality and bodies rather than the fucking we see on screen and in porn. 
And YA novels are teaching this to young girls in a positive and accepted way in that it's not prohibited. They're not like "dirty magazines" you have to hide or sex scenes on TV you have to change the channel on incase your parents walk in, it's in books you can read anywhere and it's acceptable which makes the themes and lessons it teaches acceptable and good and positive which they should be.

This blog post just kind of struck me a little because it got me thinking, YA books are how we learnt about sex, sure we did sex-ed and biology but these books are where we learnt how it feels or how it should feel and yes, I think that for the most part it's too much sunshine, daisies and fireworks but it's far better than the alternative society has produced.