Addio Nonno

So, my grandfather passed away today. It was a weird day. It was a long day. Mum woke me up at 6 to tell me and it's not like you can go back to sleep after that. But I couldn't go and see Nonna or anything either. So I just lay there for an hour, not really asleep and not really awake until I got up and did go to Nonna's. Where pretty much all of my cousins were, my aunties, my uncles, mum and dad, my immediate extended family basically.

Then I went to work. And took one of my younger cousins with me. Because what was he supposed to do at Nonna's all day? Sit there and watch her cry as every new person arrived? So he came with me and we sat at work and I read while he watched movies (except for when there were customers/things to do). It was a weird day.

I'm almost glad though, that he's gone. Because he was suffering and Nonna was suffering and all of us hated seeing him like that, reduced to invalidity. And I'm glad it's happened now while I'm here and not overseas because even though I'd hate myself if I didn't, spending $2,500 to get to a funeral is more than I can probably afford.

I didn't really tell anyone about it, because what are you supposed to do? Send out a mass text that says:
"Hey everyone, just letting you know my grandfather passed away so I'll be MIA for a few days. Much love, Zoe"?

I heard from a few people though, my Aunt posted something on Facebook so I got a few texts. I don't mind that I didn't hear from everyone because I don't really know what to say. Thanks?
I feel like getting all that sympathy is undeserved because I don't feel really all that sad. My Nonno had dementia for a long time so he died for me a long time ago and now I feel like we're just mourning a shell. I get that that 'shell' represents his soul, his life, all of the memories we had of him but he hasn't been Nonno for a very long time. He hasn't been the man that took me for a walk up to the Milkbar while my bratty cousin had his nap, or let us made pizza bases out of his bread dough for us to run upstairs with them to put toppings on with Nonna, and then run back downstairs to cook them in the wood fire oven. Or come back with Nonno's chicken (KFC) or Nonno's cheese (Kraft singles) or Nonno's bread (actually made by him).

Maybe it just hasn't hit me yet, I'll cry at the funeral though, if nothing else, seeing people I love and care about crying never fails to make me do so too.