I'm having one of those days...
I'm having one of those days (the past couple of days actually) where I can't bear to see you. Because it kind of hurts (not in the normal heartbreaky way but in the somebody-that-I-used-to-know way) and I almost regret it and I just feel like I want you even though I know I don't, at least not the way you want(ed) me.
And I hate you for it and I hate seeing you and that's even worse because it's so not your fault. Nothing about this is your fault.
And so many times I've almost said something, almost sent you a message, late at night, in the truthful hours, when I knew you'd be awake. So many times I've just wanted to kiss you because I remember what it's like and I remember that I liked it, more than anyone else which I'm sure everyone will find strange. But I like(d) you and that's what happens. I think you're pretty (there really is no other word for it) and I like to look at you and I like so many other things about us that kept me there longer than I perhaps should've. It's not enough though, it wasn't enough, it's somewhere in the middle which is pushing me towards insanity because it's too much and too little all at the same time and I just wish it would end. It almost did, I was almost distracted but that fell through and now I'm back noticing what first drew me in that fateful night at the pub.
I just...I miss you. I want to talk to you but I think that as soon as I do I'll say something or imply something that screams mixed signals and I gave you enough of those.
Every fibre of my being knows I made the right decision and that I also shouldn't breathe a word to you or anyone (save BFFL) about this but I'm having all these feelings and I just...don't know how to be around you, even cyberly. You're just pissing me off and drawing me in all at the same time without even doing anything and that's what the worst part is you don't even know.
No comments:
Post a Comment